Assistant Principal's Big Day is the first audio skit from They're All Gonna Laugh At You! Assistant Principal Dunbar was picked as the new principal for the high school.
- Dunbar: Good morning, students and faculty. If I could have your attention, please. As you may, or may not know, Principal Campbell will not be here for the rest of the week, due to a throat infection, leaving me, Assistant Principal Dunbar, as the school's lone administrator for the next few days. Uh, though, the policies set forth by Principal Campbell will remain the same, there will be some additional regulations you must also follow.
- Smoking outside the administration building will only be allowed during lunch periods.
- The girls' showering facilities will be moved from the locker room into my inner office where I can watch the girls wash their breasts and buttocks while I play with myself.
- While showering, none of the girls will be allowed to snicker or laugh at the size of my genitalia. Eye contact with me is also prohibited.
- Girls are encouraged to wash other freely as I build towards orgasm.
- While I am ejaculating, the boys gymnastic team will undress each other, spread eagle in front of me, and satisfy each other orally until I have completed ejaculating.
Finally, Rule #6, any student caught writing graffiti or defacing school property will be automatically suspended, unless they are masturbating. If you have any questions about these new regulations, I will be in my office, spanking it with a thumb up my ass. Good day.
- Adam Sandler as Dunbar