The Buffoon And The Dean of Admissions

The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions introuduced Michael the Buffoon. It serves as the second track to They're All Gonna Laugh At You!, Sandler's first album in 1993.

Dialogue

 * Adam Sandler: And now, a Buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college.
 * Dean: Well, Michael, I'd like to extend my warmest congratulations on your upcoming graduation. And I understand you're interested in matriculating here in the fall.
 * Michael: I got a snake, man!
 * Dean: Yes. Pets are welcome on campus. Be it the traditional dog or cat, or even the occasional reptile.
 * Michael: One time, I fed it some beer, man. It was slithering this way and that. It was all fucked up!
 * Dean: I'm sure it was. Well, we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students and pets here on campus.
 * Michael: Fucking shit!
 * Dean: Yes. That's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So, tell me a little bit more about your background.
 * Michael: My father's a fucking asshole, man!
 * Dean: Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebellion are not unusual at your age, son.
 * Michael: My mother's a piece of shit, too!
 * Dean: Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility during the summer, so you can come to school in the fall, relaxed and ready to learn.
 * Michael: My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her head way up her ass!
 * Dean: Well, the quality of the faculty of the university far exceeds that of a local, public high school.
 * Michael: Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!
 * Dean: Yes, she's tried many diets over the years, with minimal success.
 * Michael: I had diarrhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!
 * Dean: Uh-huh. Well, we all get the occasional stomach bug. Never a pleasurable experience. So, have you given any thoughts to your choice of major?
 * Michael: I got a big fucking boner right now!
 * Dean: Hmmm, I see. Well, sexual arousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. I do not take offense.
 * Michael: One time, I ate my neighbor's shit!
 * Dean: That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you and we'll be sending you our decision by the end of our month.
 * Michael: I bet you've got really hairy balls!
 * Dean: Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye-bye!

Voice Cast

 * Adam Sandler as Adam Sandler, Michael
 * Conan O'Brien as Dean